It’s already December 23rd (24th in the eastern hemisphere), and Christmas is creeping up. You have to buy a present for an otaku. Being unfamiliar with otaku lifestyle, the normal person is left in the dark and simply gives gift cards or cash. With a little help from yours truly, we will take a peek into the inner workings of what otaku crave. Instead of giving a present that will be exchanged, you will have the knowledge to get something that will be cherised for years to come. This post has content that some readers may find both objectionable and arousing. Curious readers proceed. Take heed that this is your last chance to turn back.

Note from the author: This post is not meant to be taken seriously nor do I condone holiday shopping to line the pockets of greedy corporations. It’s your money so do whatever you want.

Oppai Mousepad

This handy little item acts as a wrist cushion for extended MMO sessions, heated 4chan discussions, and general porn/ecchi surfing. The otaku in your life will cherish this item as he (or she…) nestles their wrist between the jelly-like bosom of their favorite anime girl. Picture from J-List.

Dakimakura/Body Pillow

Here’s something that will get a lot of use if you know what I mean. This is a lot of money to spend on something intended to be ruined, but at least the recipient will be happy. Picture from Akihabara Channel.

Tenga

Since this is a PG-13 blog, check out the dannychoo post. Let’s just say it will keep your otaku occupied.

You get a whole series on a budget. Nice boat deal. Hopefully it’ll keep your otaku away from you for a decent amount of time as they watch the series. Picture from somewhere.

Nice boat

The boat is nice. Your recipient can take a nice, relaxing cruise into the sunset with their crazy ass girlfriend. Just make sure they don’t get ahead of themselves on the sea. It’s also good to not be too headstrong. Picture from an internet hate machine.

New Hard Drive

For maximum storage enjoyment possible, please getting your otaku a new hard drive. Hey, hentai can take up a lot of room.

Figures

Give your otaku a head start on the dark path towards figure collecting. Your friend will be broke before they know it and you can think, “Just as planned” to yourself. Stock picture of Max Factory’s Sakaki Mizuki.

Coal

For the naughty otaku, it keeps the house warm. Picture from Google search.

Soap

Yeah. Feel free to substitute with body wash as necessary. Picture from Google search.

Nothing

For the shopper on a budget. No picture. Go tell them that you love them or something corny like that.

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 23rd, 2007 at 4:49 pm and is filed under Articles, Otaku.You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.